Having conversations can be challenging.
It is not uncommon for misunderstandings to mess up a good conversation as you’re trying to get your idea across to someone else and failing. Over and over again. And again.
The craziest part of this whole conversation is that everyone can relate to this feeling. Misinterpretation is one of those things that do not only hurt us but can hinder the success of our team, and organization and even become destructive rather than productive.
So, why the hell does this happen?
Well, one reason is the nature of work itself.
Sometimes we’re busy with our individual priorities and responsibilities and having someone else disturb us in the midst of that isn’t a good thing. I mean how much time is spent not doing work, while at work? Of course, we might be hesitant to entertain a coworker when they come by with none work related stuff to talk about, Like Chris Rock’s new stand-up special where he addresses “the slap heard round the world.”
Inadvertently, while trying to accomplish our priorities, we can rush communication. Even those conversations that are more important and related to work.
Personalities.
People can be assertive and passive, direct, or reserved. When you get a bunch of different versions in one room…KABOOM! That co-worker you get along with now becomes enemy number one, the other person across the office starts delivering negatively charged facial expressions at light speed, and crappy words can get thrown at each other. Then begins the circular logic and the inception-style conversation repeats itself. Over, over, and over again.
Communication Styles
Communication Styles are another factor that can make or break this process. Here’s some cool information I found on communication styles.
1 - Passive Communication
Passive communicators avoid expressing their feelings, thoughts, or opinions. Silence is their best friend, and they just want to avoid confrontation. This style can lead to plenty of frustrations, and misunderstandings. They just want to avoid conflict and don’t want to be taken advantage of.
2 - Assertive Communication
Assertive communication is often regarded as the most effective communication style. It’s direct, clear, and confident. Assertive communicators listen actively and respond appropriately and aren’t afraid to speak when necessary.
3 - Aggressive Communication
This is the opposite of assertive communication. Confrontational, hostile, and intimidating is the way to go for these communicators. You might want to stay out of the way because these folks usually disregard the feelings and opinions of others. This style of communication can damage relationships badly and beyond repair. They also create conflicts and result in negative outcomes. This (and I don't know the numbers on this one) might be the most popular.
*I think I'll post some speculative post on why I think this is the case one day.
4 - Passive-Aggressive Communication
Passive + aggressive communication. Expressing negative feelings indirectly, such as through sarcasm, gossip, or procrastination is usually expected from passive-aggressive communicators. Sometimes this can lead to manipulation and deception. This can be confusing and can cause mistrust.
5 - Diplomatic Communication
This style is all about politeness, and respect for others. Avoiding offense and gaining mutual understanding are important to this kind of communicator. Often skilled in persuasion, negotiation, and compromising skills, a diplomatic communicator is effective at building relationships and solving conflicts.
Ok, great. Now what?
Assertive people in a room with passive communicators and a sprinkle of passive-aggressiveness and you have a recipe for disaster. Clashing, misunderstanding and headaches can be difficult to eliminate.
Here’s a way to take a crack at solving it:
1- Expectation/Guidelines: Go into a meeting with a plan and a goal. Always revert back to that goal when things get rough. It’s very easy to get caught up in the emotions of it all, or the personality differences and that’s when we have to refocus the conversation towards the expectation.
2- Listening: Be an active listener. What are people saying? No, really, what are they saying? We really gotta do better at this one as a society. As soon as someone says something we are so quick to create connections where they’re none and miss connections where some are. Pay attention and reserve judgment.
3- Empathy: Be kind. put yourself in someone else’s shoes. We all know what having a headache feels like. We can all relate to this. I’m a firm believer that while some people struggle with different things, we all know what the fundamental emotions of a situation are. Remember that.
4- Forms of communication: Talk in person. Talk via email. Send out an outline or meeting agenda prior to the meeting. We’ve already talked about how there are different communication styles, and now we also have to factor in the environment. Is it conducive to the communication styles involved?
5- Culture of openness: make sure the environment is comfortable. This is a continuation of number 4. The atmosphere, if prepped correctly and grown organically will survive once a negative force challenges it. This could be a person, a change in practice,
So, the next time it all starts going downhill…stop for a second…and revert back to this public service announcement.